The Date and The Method

By now you can see the method to my madness of baring myself.

I NEED TO

Sometimes it’s not how we show ourselves on the outside, it’s how we show ourselves from within that allows the change to begin.

It’s still a process tho.

A process of investigation and discovery as if the crime is your inability to reconcile your shit and how it’s keeping you bound to it.

I know what this is about. It’s some work I’ve done… but because this investigation is so personal and close to my heart *my mom and dad* it takes some “BAU” type breakdowns to get to the culprit… and if you all watched “Criminal Minds” you know that every step closer the culprit got sloppier- as if they knew the BAU was on the case.

That’s what I’m doing. Because this pesky little monster in me is literally running my life in more ways than one… not just what I put in my mouth.

It’s not my child within, per se… but the part that sought the pleasure of food and bad decisions as a source to deal with the pain of loneliness, abandonment and regret.

Yes… children experience regret too. Like how they should’ve at least tried to whoop that bully’s ass. LOL!

So, as an adult, I must give her the option to see, that pain isn’t always bad, but to help her grow and become better.

NOT GET BIGGER AND BECOME WORSE… Like what ultimately happened.

But the culprit and the method to its madness is what I’m trying to uncover so I can cut it at the head and learn how to move and push through it if triggered again.

As you’ve seen, the “Make n Break” is not hard, but not simple because it’s making you maneuver yourself in multiple ways to perhaps even face some of those challenges that causes those triggers.

We always talk about family gatherings, parties, etc. But what about the other things like: certain topics from certain people that just won’t let things go. Someone surprises you with your favorite Cold Stone Creamery “Gotta Have It” treat; or you have a break-up, you get demoted, someone dies, GOD FORBID anything “Covy”. How about it’s the person you live with (as in my case) or someone at work challenging you at every turn.

My point is… if this is just about losing weight without losing the “weights” on us mentally, physically, spiritually… then it’s going to be a failure.

THAT’S WHY MY CHALLENGE IS ABOUT DOING CERTAIN THINGS “ON PURPOSE” TO CHANGE THE GAME AND PUT IT IN MY FAVOR.

That’s why it has things that have nothing to do with eating, exercise and logging progress. It’s truly about conquering things I rather not deal with or know I should or need to deal with and… as my FAVORITE saying is… “Do It Anyway”.

This is how I cut it off at the head from certain people, places and things… Acknowledgement and Consideration. Not Avoidance.

Let’ just say this… if I hadn’t dodged or ran away from fights when I was a kid… even if that meant getting my ass kicked PUBLICY… I would be a STRONGER fighter… not an ANGRY fighter, like I became.

Like I said… It’s time to change the game.

Now let’s get to what you want to know….. The Date

DECEMBER 1, 2021- FOR 21 DAYS… See all the 1’s and 2’s… Like… ON YOUR MARK (1)… GET SET (2)…. And you know the rest. 12,1,221,21=12… My goal is to lose 21 pounds, but no less than 12. End right before Christmas but keep a lot of the same method so not to go crazy… but don’t feel down if I gain 2 from my mama’s sweet potato pie (I’m just saying…).

However I’ll let you in on the Good n Bad each week, because 4really… this is just the 1st of many challenges I plan to embark on. I’m just setting it off because I’ve been made to answer to these problems in my life and self- FINALLY.
Okay… the real shhhh you waiting for…

The Method… Ok… Not just yet, but equally important.

To Start… I’m looking at my habits…

Habits to Break Habits to Make

Health and Beauty:
Bad Diet; Coffee Teethe, Hair, Nails, Vitamin Intake; Skin;
Follow my methods; Make and Use Tooth Treatment; Hair Wash 1x oil 2x wk; Man-Ped 1x wk; Vitamins & Skin Wash/Tone 3x wk;

Food and Exercise:
Eating practices; Portions; Types of Food; Reasons for Eating; Exercise not often or long enough
Follow eating repair necessities; Journal emotions; Hand-sized portions; workout daily 45-1 hr, consistently

Relationships and Family:
Intolerance of BS; Selfish with Self; Unavailable
Speak and bring positively; Give of self when needed; Be available and help unite

Self and Spirit:
Lack Commitment; Self Defeating; Procrastinate; Not taking care of my spirit
Say Loving Things; Fight complacency; Be responsible and proactive for my choices; Pray and Meditate upon wake and sleep

My Food Relationships…

My Weaknesses

• Krispy Kreme Donuts

• Cinnamon Rolls & Honey Buns

• Danish and other pastries

• Cheese and Cheesecake

• Cookies and Crackers

• Brownies and Choc Pudding

• Ice Cream and Pizza

• Muffins/Bagels

• Anything ooey gooey

My Strengths

• Colorful Salads with Homemade Dressing

• Raw Fruit

• Nut Butter

• Raw/Steamed Veggies and Sweet Potatoes

• Frozen Plant-based Yogurt (occasional)

• Health Shakes/Smoothies

• Hot Cereal

• Beans, Legumes and other Protein Sources

• Water/ Pressed Fruit Juice/Tea/ Plant Milk (homemade if possible)

• Nuts and Seeds, Fresh Popcorn

• Fibrous Grains (rice, quinoa, spelt, etc)

• Plant- based Yogurt (occasional)

• Lean Meat and Fish (occasional and quality sourced)

• Vitamin and Herb Supplements

• Shop at local farm markets if possible

• No GMO’s if so possible

Eating Repair Necessities….

*DO NOT EAT WHEN OUT OF CONTROL
** CHOOSE ACTION- NOT BY DEFAULT
*** KNOW WHAT YOUR BODY NEEDS- AND LISTEN TO IT
**** BE CONSISTENT AND STAY AWARE OF YOUR SPIRIT
*****COUNT AWAY YOUR TEMPTATION UNTIL GONE
****** YOU CONTROL WHAT YOU FEEL AND FILL YOURSELF WITH

And now… The Method

The Self Affair

Don’t consume negative energy or depression- flex muscle groups with every onset
Break one bad habit, daily and replace with a good one
Stop complaining and making excuses
DO NOT HIT SNOOZE BUTTON-GET UP
Stay on schedule daily; be consistent and deliberate each day; Use reminders
Plan ahead when necessary, ex. Meals, clothing, appointment, etc
Take a luxurious bath and moisturize with my AMAZING Queen E skincare products

The Spirit Affair

Create spoken word motivation to say in the morning and before bed
Breathe positivity into each day through positive thoughts and actions
Use prayer, meditation, mindfulness and breathing exercises throughout the day
Listen to good, positive, soothing music and messages, ex. Jazz, classical, oldies
Practice self-discipline and self-control with every decision
Halt negative emotions, criticism, being opinionated or easily offended

The Family Affair

Send I love you’s and inspirational messages to family- daily
Show give and be love; spend adequate time with those I love
Help mom and dad when asked or needed
Volunteer time to someone/something in need

The Food Affair

Intermittent fasting 12pm-6pm (1500-1700 calorie daily)
Sip warm water with lemon throughout the day
One week of Chef Ricardo recipes (will share videos and recipes that week)
3-Day Liquid/Smoothie Cleanse each week (Sunday Monday Tuesday)
Liquid, Fruits and Vegetables 1x a week
Regular (w/ meat) meals 3x’s week

Decisions Decisions….):

Snacks:

Nuts and Seeds (Almond, Walnuts, Peanuts, Pistachios)- good for various meal usages
Rice Cakes and Graham Crackers (occasionally)
Tortilla Chips and Salsa
Bouillon Cubes (veg/chicken- good for cravings and various meal usages
Pickles
Jello and Pudding (sugar-free)
Popcorn- fresh popped with coconut oil, with light salt/pepper
Baby Food (yea, I said it- great for cravings)
Dates, Raisins, Prunes- good for various meal usages
Sorbet, Homemade juice pops or Frozen Yogurt (occasional)

Breakfast:

Whole Grain hot cereal
Lightly Sweetened cold cereal (occasionally) add fruit or nuts to it
Apple Sauce (unsweetened or puree from juiced apples)
Whole/Multi and Sprouted Grain Bread products
Protein Shakes and Smoothies

Lunch/Dinner:

PB&J- like 4really… hit the hunger, cravings and tiredness
Vegetarian Pork N Beans (great snack, too)
Tuna, Turkey or Chicken in salad or sandwich or in broth
Brown Rice and Yams and Plantains- White potatoes braised with olive oil and season (mashed sometimes)
Dried Beans and Peas
Vegetable Pasta

Dairy:

Coconut and Almond Milk
Cheese- (a little)
Yogurt (plant-based)
Eggs (occasionally- w or w/o yolk)
Coconut spread or Fresh Butter (or nothing)

Beverages:

Water (distilled, mainly)
Warm Lemon Water
Lemon Ginger Mint Water
Tea- all
Juiced fruits and vegs (fresh)
Coffee (Black)- only in AM
Jamaican Purple Sea moss Gel
Protein Shakes and Smoothies

Fruits, Vegetables and Meat:

All fruit- fresh, juiced, cooked (depend) (Snacked w/ yogurt, oats, seeds, or nut butter)
All vegetables- fresh, juiced, cooked, raw and (Snacked w/ marinade in oil n vinegar dressing/ dip/nut butter or fresh hummus)
Meat- Chicken Breast, Turkey Breast or Tuna

Condiments:

Sauces- regular but with little ingredients and low sodium/sugar as possible,
Homemade dressings and marinades (recipe will be provided)
Raw sugar, stevia, honey, molasses or brown sugar (in place of white)
Low/No Sodium seasonings
Fresh herbs and spices, at disposal
Olive oil, Coconut, or Avocado Oil

*Read label AND ingredients- too many scientific names mean completely processed and completely unnatural and watch out for hydrogenated oils and MSG’s (cover for trans fat)

The Fitness Affair

15-min stretch, meditate/prayer with water upon wake and tea before sleep
Workout (walk, aerobics, yoga, Pilates) daily
Wear my waist trainer, weighted backpack, neoprene vest and gym suit
Strength Train (weights, resistance bands, isometrics.) 3x’s week
Get 7-8 hours of sleep daily- NO EXCUSES
Play Kinect games and set up Biggest Loser with family 2-3xs week
Use vibration plate every other day
Stretch and Yoga EVERYDAY
Use scale at beginning and end of each week
Use and follow fitness watch settings

Vitamins and Supplements

*To Note, these are the ones I’m choosing to take because of how they will aid in me starting this challenge and beyond. I have researched them thoroughly before purchasing and have taken them before. Some have the same ingredients, such as D, Iron and Copper that I will either skip days or take half of so not to overlap and create toxicity in my body.
** Please research and use at your own discretion. They are listed for INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY.

Bee Pollen: 1/2tsp AM and Noon 1st week, 1tsp 2nd week and adjust
*Amino Acids, Vitamins, minerals and aphrodisiac
Triple Fiber: 5 caps 1x-daily in AM or noon, evening
*Curb appetite, promote digestion
Yeast Buster: 30 drops 3x’s-daily in water before meals
*Reduce yeast build-up in the stomach
Black Seed Oil: 1tsp 2x-daily
*Immune Support and Response
Chlorophyll: 15 drops in water 1-3x-daily
*Red blood and iron booster
Parasite Cleanser: 30 drop in water 1-3x-daily
*Cleanse the blood and tissues
pH booster: 3 drops in 8-10oz up to 5x-daily
*Alkalize water
Trace Mineral Drops 3 drops in 10oz water up to 10x-daily
*Improves water energy
CBD Infused with Mushrooms 1000mg: 1ml under tongue 1-2x-daily
*Omega 3, 6, 9
Echinacea Complex 450mg: 1 cap 6x-daily
*Immune Health
5-HTP 100mg: 1 tab 2x-daily with food
*Promote stress reduction and relaxed mood
Chelated Copper: 1 tab daily with a meal
* Mineral the promotes formation of collagen and connective tissue in body
Cal-Mag-Zinc with D3
*Supports nerve, bone and overall health
Women’s Whole Food Multi-Vitamin: 1x daily w/ food
*Support overall health
Fermented Holy Basil: 3 caps daily with 8oz liquid
*Support mental clarity, restful sleep and healthy stress response
Ashwagandha Root 460mg: 2 tabs 1-2x daily
*Help combat stress and reduce inflammation
Selenium 100mcg: 1 cap 1x-daily with food or water
* Antioxidant that removes free radicals and support immunity and thyroid function
Kelp 150mcg of Natural Iodine: 1 tab 1x-daily with meal
*Supports thyroid function
Energy Tabs: 1-2 tabs 3x-daily
*Relives fatigue, drowsiness and irritability
Valerian: 3 half droppers 30 mins before bed
*Promotes restful sleep
Detoxing Foot Pad (willing to try it): Place on feet and cover with socks for 8 hours
*Flushes out heavy metals and toxins
Jamaican Purple Sea Moss
*Support natural immunity

So now that you’ve gotten my method (all that’s in my book coming out Spring 2022), I hope you see the accountability angle I’m looking for and how I’m changing the game. Because at this time I am 100,000% out of shape, haven’t exercised any diet control and am not on the right path. My heart and the love I have inside for myself and children is pushing me towards a new way of doing things. It used to come easy for me, but now life is upside down and left is right… so I have to change with the times in the most motivating way I can think of.

Doing vlogs is going to be interesting because I always thought I’d put my FAB self out there like the other “IT” girls online… Nah… I’m eating that humble pie.

I know, as I said in the beginning… this isn’t how much you shine on the outside, it’s how much you shine from within and how you touch lives in the process of your own discovery.

I truly can’t wait to see what that looks like. Before everything went wrong, I know I was on my way… but then skkkerrrr…. Boom. Uh, uh, nah shawty… I need you to take a piece of this humble pie and show, tell, teach and learn.

SO HERE I IS!!!!

My goal is to get to FIT and feel FABULOUS again, but with a deeper understanding as well the experience of how this world is operating via online platforms. So I know eventually I’ll have to expand and showcase more of the journey because I got a cool 100 pounds to drop!

Keep checking and following me… because in the end… me reaching my goals depends on the support I’ve been needing and receiving from YOU! Thank you all.

AND PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND SHARE… I’d like to know your thoughts and ideas and ways I can truly capture others to take in this experience with me via the WORLD WIDE WEB.

*Next Installment: Weights and Measures and the Tools to Use

When In Rome….

Featured

Here’s the ugly truth…. I, like a lot of people, grew up in an overweight family. Probably not the way overweight families look today… But for the 80s? Overweight. To add injury and insult, there was emotional eating, reward eating, eating to curb hurt and pain, eating at weekly gatherings, hangouts and card parties, eating from office parties, school parties, birthdays, honor roll certificates to the best pizza spot with ice cream for dessert. The array of cookbooks, new recipes and ideas. Slumber parties with 7-course breakfast. New restaurants, carryout’s and Pops n Sons, Johnny Boys and Danny’s.

SO MUCH FOOD!!!!!!

For whatever time, event or feeling. It was always….

SO MUCH EATING!!!!!!!!!!!

But I was an active child who ran, walked and rode her bicycle everywhere. But all that changed in a summer.

I went to visit my brother in Cali at 70lbs and came back 3-months later at a WHOPPPING 98lbs

I turned 9 while I was there and what’s more is it was my first time dealing with eating as an activity from a lack of activity and an awful amount boredom and eating due to hurt, pain, abandonment and rejection.

The case of the American public today.

After that summer, I’ve never truly been the same nor have my relationship with food bounced back. As a fact, no one treated me the same either. And this is where bullying came a major factor. I was sexually molested the year before when my brother left for the military. My dad left the year before that.

I was in perfect condition to be primed for a multitude of things that ultimately came my life.

Let’s just say… I never lost that 28lbs AND my innocence and trust for people were gone. I became socially introverted, self-conscious and hit with low self-esteem.

But I try to keep going, and as we get older, it gets harder and harder but we’ll talk about that another time…

Let’s get back to the NOW!!!

Like I told you, I moved back in with my parents… so ask me how this relates to back in the day?

Because OLD HABITS DIE HARD… especially when you’re down and out…. AND when you’re reminded of where you came from.

I’m talking about margarine, meat- daily-, snacks AT WILL, Bread, bread, bread. Sugar, soda, etc. Cheese, takeout, fresh baked cookies, cakes and pies. OMG my parents ain’t changed a bit since I left 25 years ago.

So as you know… my life fell apart and lead me back to them. A piece of job till Covy; no home; no life. To add, the negative feelings of needing help and the knowing that I wasn’t wanted there.

My 6-month plan to re-enter my independence became… uh… and counting. I’ve been here almost 2 years and have a summer plan to exit. Yet, I’ve assimilated back into life with them as if I was 18 again.

I left on tense terms back then, and returned as if there was unfinished business.

Still tense.

The desire to be separate from someone while needing them to this extent is a scenario that will humble and defeat you at the same time. Especially when you know you want the same thing they do. However, it goes deeper. And that’s what I wish to explore in another subject matter because I feel that what’s happened to me- especially in the last year- has a lot to do with the spiritual fitness test we’re all enduring.

I’ve obviously been failing!

But… being in this place of Rome that I left so long ago and the memories, habits, emotions and disparaging aspects I’ve been experiencing is a part of that test.

Back to One. Self and the Womb of Life.

For me, that is my mother. Someone else it could be them as a mother, or the inner child in need of mothering.

WHATEVER IT IS

It’s in the spirit… but it’s definitely the lower self, demons and propaganda machine called media at work to play on the lesser of ourselves and this I know for sure is what has made me gain this weight- including the spiritual nature of me being here with them and why it’s not a happy ride.

I tried hard to bring my life, light and love into this situation. Thought we were on a plain of respect, understanding and trust, but I feel betrayed and slighted as a child and woman. Not because I don’t respect and/or understand the feeling of wanting to be an empty-nester, but more so because my parents both flipped the script on me and I’m seeing that their love is disingenuous and conditional.

I HONESTLY THINK I’LL NEVER LOOK AT THEM THE SAME.

I give the benefit of the doubt because I came in needing and taking up space and disturbing the peace. But it’s fair to say, I was never supposed to truly need them again; I was never supposed to be “their child”. I moved into distant relative mode and the “friend” that accepts you as you are kind person.

NOT “THEIR CHILD”

WHETHER I’M 4 OR 44!

Before life became Real or is it Reel… LOL who knows!

It’s a revelation that has hit hard and hurt deep and I’d like to blame it on aging, or the fact I come with a child, or that I wish not to jump into the fire of today’s New World… whatever the case… I feel rejected, dejected and subjected to insults, slander and humiliation. I’ve felt taken for granted for the fact I honor them and am with them and for them when all others don’t want to be bothered.

MAYBE IT’S AGING!

BUT I’M HURT, TORN AND PISSED…

NO… I’M JUST BACK IN ROME AGAIN….

AND I HATE IT NOW LIKE I HATED IT THEN!!

Because I did the work to change my mindset and my relationships with self and food and other people, where they seemed to have faked it the entire time.

I guess the animosity is that I’m here to see the truth that the devil is a liar.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m back to being a child and struggling to find my voice, fix my mistakes, settle my differences and repair to prepare for the next life that I live as an adult.

Don’t get me twisted… I love and respect my parents… it’s just that I’ve learned that people treat you different when you need them… even the ones that brought you into this world.

My ideals for our family have always been GRANDER than the reality of each of us… That’s why I infused it all within myself. But universal law has a way of tying up loose ends.

Rome must fall… it’s been written, has happened and will happen again.

It’s most important that I get out before I turn into a pillar of salt.

In other words, this could be my farewell call and that’s why I CHOOSE to let the past, the pain and the hurt go-as an ADULT… but the CHILD in me… needs her mommy and daddy as much as I always have.

My NOW is that, I must realize that I can’t be the child, I must accept that I’m the adult and move forward and show them they have nothing to worry about because they’ done all they know and can do.

I must do the rest to Be Fit and Ready to ascend to the next level.

Even though it’s painful and I see the falling away… I know it’s a gift to be here to see it… and strangely enough… what I need to make me strong.

Goodbye Rome…

Next Installment: Let’s Begin… The 21-Day Make-n-Break Challenge (Revisited and Ready)

21-day Make-n-Break Challenge (Revisited and Ready)

So… I first must acknowledge that I have changed. I’m not the same. Not just the fact I don’t look the same… but not the same within. These last two years, especially, have changed me for the worst… but not my heart or presence of mind… yet it’s these two things I’m fighting for right now. I can’t do this challenge, become fit or be in a position for my parents not to worry if I don’t save my heart and mind from what I’ve been spiritually going through. The energy in this world is heavy and loaded with a hidden pain and suffering that some people are too blind to see or too self-centered to care about. Which I’ve addressed in various way in my spoken word book.

But I do. Through life, career and now with this pandy. It’s my purpose to see and help change what it is I see. But because a lot of people haven’t, we’ve been lead to a place we may not come out of.

A good example is the Food App Delivery systems… “Con”venience as a weapon, not a tool. But portions have been getting bigger, and even though prices has risen… the Food Drug Administering agency has kept a constant steady cycle of sloth, gluttony and addiction in motion until the end.

I’ve been guilty of assimilating to this. Between pre-pandy, inner-child awakenings, and loss of a sense-of-self… I can’t lie that the little 9-year-old me showed up and reminded me she still hasn’t healed from the damage of yesterday.

However, for all the work I’ve done to repair and become the better version of myself… I so easily fell back into this cycle of food and eating because it’s the “Original Sin” imposed on me.

I used to think it was the molestation, but in truth it was the relationship given to me as it relates to food- including the detachment I felt with the people I loved.

There strangely seemed to be a trade-off of the two… but those are stories for other days.

But it wasn’t all bad… my first 5 like I told yall “In the Beginning” I was fed from our home garden, fresh-caught fish, milk still brought to the door from the dairy farmers. Like seriously. Back then my mom worked at the now “barely there” Enviro Protect Agency aka E.P.A., and learned the dangers of such chemical foods and medicines we consume heavily now… but interesting enough, since cable and microwaves (even TV and radio) came online…things have begun to change in the worst of ways even though it appears that life has gotten better.

I don’t know, honestly…I guess it’s all relative. I’ve only been her 40 out of the last 100… but I’ve seen some things that make you question reality… especially since cell phones and internet.

Anyway, I digress.

So since this change has been upon me, and torment, taunting and crucifying me by having me look at ALL and EVERY thing that has happened, who I am what I’ve been through and what I’ve been or done… Like I said previously… I know this is a spiritual test (at least for me) and I’m at a crossroad of truth in my life. But I have the upper hand because I’ve done the work, have the courage and wisdom, and presence of mind and heart

TO WIN!

Okay, okay… back to this challenge…

The 21-day Make-n-Break is laid out to challenge myself to make solid decisions that may be tough, uncomfortable or out of the norm, but is meant to train my mind to ENDURE for my own well-being. The list is reasonable but not in offering a typical, routine day. But that’s what the Make-n-Break is all about. Shifting thought to accelerate ones thinking about how we move and make decisions throughout the day. Now let’s see what I’ll be doing…

3-Day Liquid/Smoothie Cleanse each week (Sunday Monday Tuesday)
Intermittent fasting 12pm-6pm (1500-1700 calorie daily- Eat from farms and co-ops; One week of Chef Ricardo recipes
Physical activity and/or exercise daily, according to plan, with lovely baths and showers to relax
Create spoken word motivation to say in the morning and before bed
15-min stretch, meditate/prayer with water or tea upon wake and before sleep
Breathe positivity into each day through positive thoughts and actions
Use prayer, meditation, mindfulness and breathing exercises throughout the day
Listen to good, positive, soothing music and messages, ex. Jazz, classical, oldies
Halt negative emotions, criticism, being opinionated or easily offended.
Practice self-discipline and self-control with every decision
Don’t consume negative energy or depression- flex muscle groups with every onset
Break one bad habit, daily and replace with a good one
Stop complaining and making excuses
Get 7-8 hours of sleep daily- NO EXCUSES
DO NOT HIT SNOOZE BUTTON-GET UP
Stay on schedule daily; be consistent and deliberate each day
Plan ahead when necessary, ex. Meals, clothing, appointment, etc
Send I love you’s and inspirational messages to family- daily
Show give and be love; spend adequate time with those I love
Help mom and dad when asked or needed
Volunteer time to someone/something in need

*MOST IMPORTANTLY…. LOVE MYSELF!

Understanding there are reactionary default programming in our brain when we get triggered by certain things that release those defaults, I know we can literally lose ourselves in a moment- and the days to follow- which can make us feel a little bit (or a lot) like a failure! When we can’t bounce back 100%- even as of now…. Therefore we must forgive ourselves. Realizing that our minds can play a trick on us, lets us know we are vulnerable to these certain “states of being” in terms of space and time AND must be aware and grounded so that we are in our right minds with every decision. That is how hard changing and transforming is- and why a lot of people don’t try or want to do it.

Since I have BIGGGGGEERRRR goals that cause for a lot of coordinating of this puzzle called “my life.” I cry but I don’t fret- it’s been harder and may very well be becoming…But I’m grateful for the challenges. The ability to work and develop my mental muscle. Especially when the biggest lesson is to recognize that this system we live in is designed to play on our reactionary defaults and emotional biases- before we even realize we’ve been played. However, with maturity, trial and error, bumps and bruises and war wounds… we have learned something and know what to do, how to do it and what it takes- IT’S ALL WITHIN- REALLY!…. I say let’s beat the system by no longer consenting to our own defeat. Because whether we live another day, decade or millennia… we have to answer to ourselves this question: Did I do all I could have to truly be free….?

In addition- my plan is to do a weekly vlog or just a podcast that will cover these things; as well let you know the foods, supplements (haven’t even taken my daily, smh) and Chef Ricardo recipes I’ll be using.

I’ll add my exercise plan and schedule, methods of meditation and spoken word affirmations, etc.

Like I said before, part of this is accountability. And that means sticking to the plan of posting, doing the vids or podcasts and showing that I’m truly committed and ready to prepare to take myself and life back.

This is my new job… Working and slaving for my SELF.

If interested in my book and learning more about me, visit my website www.alovewriting.com

Next Installment: The Date and The Method

FROM FAB TO NOW…. TO [BECOMING] FIT (AN INTRODUCTION)

Hey Yall Hey….! I thank you for stopping by to see what I got going on and giving me them likes and shares! I’m about to hop on a DOOZY. It’s a doozy really because… ssshhiii…. I got hit with the ramifications of the pandy on multiple levels…. WEIGHT GAIN being one!!! Now don’t judge me. It’s been an emotional time, true, right?
Welp…. I’ve let it all goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo like GONE! If I wasn’t preexisting before…. I’m just going to ignore myself on that one. HOWEVER! I need to let you all in a little secret…. Come closer….. I never did the Make n Break. But I’m going to leave it in the posts because I need to be reminded every time I post, what this is all about. Health. That “Make n Break” is literally a blueprint for saving someone’s health. And if I was doing it I would have been posting about it, but I wasn’t…and am thankful for still getting the love from yall.

That’s the secret.

But I’m not going to start with the “Make n Break”…. taking myself on a short-term challenge- but a long-term journey with a series of challenges… like life, basically. But will run it out in a style that has a beginning a middle and an end… like the guy who did “Fit to Fat to Fit”… but his was a challenge… I’m on a mission. A “Life” mission.

FROM FAB (LIKE FABULOUS) TO NOW (LIKE NOW) TO FIT (LIKE LATER/END GOAL)

It’s a journey because it’s more than just the goal of “Natural Health and Weight Loss” but acknowledging where I was and tackling the shit that got me to where I am “NOW” and putting everything I know and learned and done together to get to that END GOAL aka “FIT”
I have to start here because in this journey, it’s the ties that bind that got me to where I am, how I got there and what it’s going to take to set it all straight. As a coach and mediator, I empower people to move through their process to get the results they want. But before I can solidify my stake as a coach and mediator, I MUST be that change I wish to see in the world…by the renewing of my mind, the reviving of my heart and the releasing of my soul

Because I now realize that I’ve been in pain and feeling defeat. Not just by pandy but by the ills of this world, and buried emotions of the past that’s still alive. And maybe a few regrets.
All of which got me to the NOW!!!!

Before NOW and pandy, I was dealing with some things but had the fire of hope that seared through me with optimism and a spectrum of light that only The Most High could create. I was walking in Grace, shown Mercy, and Love was my guiding light.

I had my own home, a new baby, in love, my dream job and was literally seeing the “God” in me.
In other words… The Most High was showing up in all kinds of ways and I thought I was on the golden path to happiness.

Little did I know it was all an illusion.

I was actually in love with a married man (who I didn’t know was married)
Then the car accident
Demons and Devils showed their ugly faces at work and also blocked my future opportunities
My child had a mentally deranged teacher
And I lost my home by someone with malicious intent…
and had to move in with my parents
Then here comes pandy….
But that doesn’t stop me….
Until…..

I came face to face with my inner child
And defeat
And rejection
And another failed attempt at living my dreams.

So NOW here I AM….
On another journey….
FROM FAB
TO NOW
TO FIT

These were my goals…. AND ARE STILL MY GOALS- NOW—- AGAIN

1. Be whole
2. Be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy
3. Be financially stable and invest in home, business, and future!
4. Have a successful start of school and life
5. Be involved with a good, decent man and grow together
6. Have removed people who bring me down and pull me back
7. Be involved in activities that nurture my true character and nature
8. Be more proactive with my career endeavors
9. Be more involved with “good” people and bring people together!
10. Have debt paid and all that’s needed to move forward
11. Have a rewarding position with good pay and benefits
12. Have designed the blueprint of my life and start construction

LET’S SEE…. MOST OF THESE THINGS HAPPENED, SOME ARE STILL UNCHECKED…

A REDESIGN, MAYBE? MORE DETAILS NEEDED? MORE INTENT?

HOW ABOUT THE BLUEPRINT?

I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A BLUEPRINT FOR EVERY AREA OF LIFE… THE 5 MAINSTAYS… SELF, FAMILY, FINANCES, RELATIONSHIPS, FUTURE…. THE ENERGIES OF THINGS, EBBS, FLOWS AND CURRENCIES, ATTACHMENTS, VESSELS, DOCKS, BAGGAGE AND SUITCASES, LOL….

So now that you know… what am I doing? I’ve been FAB(ULOUS). Maybe not complete in a sense of having it all together, but on a path, perhaps. But it wasn’t real. I’m going to tell you why in my next installment.

The pandy helped to reveal some truths of where we are and who we are in this world. Like Revelations unfolding, 4really… But I will say that none of my experiences were by accident. But design. Because it led me here… to do what I was always meant to do first… write.

Write the truth, as I see it.

AND

The truth of where I am NOW.

OK…I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING… WOW….WTF….OMG….DAAAAMMNNN!!!
Anyone who lost weight or dealing with weight or health issues can realize this. Except this time I know I can not sway. I must get stronger.

If you consider what I’m trying to do and convey, it makes a lot of sense… I’m looking to be encouraged and be encouraging through the means of baring myself.
Not by way of listening to my doctor fill 5 prescriptions
Or continue to try new diets but sneak cookies in the middle of the night
Or tell my fam what I’m doing for support and get knocked down when they should be doing it too

No… I’m opening up to my readers, because I’ve watched tooo many videos, read toooo many blogs and seen tooo many people who have said “F” it an didn’t hide their shame of letting go, but honored themselves in being humble enough to let other people encourage them.
I mean you can’t hide being a hundred pounds overweight
And truly the things inside that’s causing you to create that cushion of weight.

I’ve been fed up, but this isn’t about being fed up. It’s about being committed to accountability and being fed up with not being held accountable. Someone has a hundred dollar debt to pay. It’s on me, so I got to pay it. It’s just that sometimes it feels good to show people you’re doing what you supposed to do. So maybe that’s what I’m doing.

Anyway… the illusion of my life that begat my pain and ultimate “letting go” of myself was that it was never about ME.
Of course your life isn’t your own… but when your existence and happiness depends on the service and sustainability of others… it’s not really your happiness, is it? It’s not really your truth?? It’s not really your destiny??? It’s not really where you belong, but a town you passed through, sort of.

I fell in love, because he wanted me to love him
I was committed to my job because I wanted to help people get better
I didn’t beat that teachers ass because I knew she was crazy and showed her compassion
I didn’t curse, scream and try to sue the pants off my employer because I didn’t want to bring my coworkers into something they didn’t desire
I didn’t sue and call out all the doctors who mistreated and misdiagnosed me after my car accident, because I didn’t want to discredit the people who were actually helping me
I didn’t want to fight for my home because I knew after everything that happened above… it wasn’t nothing left of me to fight with.
But also… I didn’t want to move in with my parents because… I didn’t want to burden them with me and my child, but even more…

I didn’t want to feel the loss of my own adulthood and everything I worked so hard for and see that it was GONE!

Then pandy takes the rest of it… But like I said before… I still had the fire of hope raging in me like the life of the sun awakening the darkness to a new day.
Then pandy never went away, and I travelled a different path, and down the road to the “new normal” where a doorway emerged and began to take me down memory lane as I wrote and published my poetry and spoken word book “Just Writing” Book One: Transcending. Works from a time in life that was difficult and scary, but choosing to never give up.
While doing this and being with my mother… is where I met my inner child. And now am reminded why I have to start new, break the cycles and see what’s at stake….

On my own…

and I am left to see a truth that if I don’t move towards getting “Fit”, the pandy, along with the ills of the world, the forces of good and evil, and this cold dark winter upon us…. I will regret it.
Yet… we must live with purpose, not regret.
So being a little vulnerable as I bring my truth to light is the only thing I can think to do right now, by……

Remembering my past, recording my present, and rewriting my future.

FROM NOW	TO FIT
• 280-285lbs • Size 20-22 • 9 1/2-10 shoe • Fat Back, Fat Gut, Cellulite, Big Face, No Muscles, • Out of shape • Don’t Feel Attractive • Not appealing • Wobble Walk • Out of Breath • Unable to control food cravings • Fatigue and Insomnia • Damaged Teeth • Arthritis and Spinal Ailments • Lack of Confidence • Not/wanting to be intimate • Don’t feel desirable • Health Risk • Alone and Wanting to Hide • Depressed • Scared • Can’t/won’t get control of self • Afraid that I can’t/unable to change • My Spirit tells me I can	• 180-185lbs • Size 14-16 • 9-9 1//2 shoe • Trim back, Trim Abs, Tight Skin, Slender Face, Strong Muscles • In the best shape ever • Feel Beautiful • Solid Appeal • Superior Strut • Enhanced Cardiovascular system • Self-Control and sensible choices • Burn energy throughout the day/ less TV • Restored Teeth • Better posture and muscle density • Sure of myself and lot in life • Immersed in affection • Desirable to myself • Breaking the cycle of preventable diseases/ailments; loving myself and loving my body and help others to do so • Embracing all life/people have to offer • At peace with life’s adversity • Brave in all my pursuits • Control my own fate/destiny • Always evolving • Being who my Spirit tells me I am

FROM NOW

TO FIT

• 280-285lbs
• Size 20-22
• 9 1/2-10 shoe
• Fat Back, Fat Gut, Cellulite, Big Face, No Muscles,
• Out of shape
• Don’t Feel Attractive
• Not appealing
• Wobble Walk
• Out of Breath
• Unable to control food cravings
• Fatigue and Insomnia
• Damaged Teeth
• Arthritis and Spinal Ailments
• Lack of Confidence
• Not/wanting to be intimate
• Don’t feel desirable
• Health Risk
• Alone and Wanting to Hide
• Depressed
• Scared
• Can’t/won’t get control of self
• Afraid that I can’t/unable to change
• My Spirit tells me I can

• 180-185lbs
• Size 14-16
• 9-9 1//2 shoe
• Trim back, Trim Abs, Tight Skin, Slender Face, Strong Muscles
• In the best shape ever
• Feel Beautiful
• Solid Appeal
• Superior Strut
• Enhanced Cardiovascular system
• Self-Control and sensible choices
• Burn energy throughout the day/ less TV
• Restored Teeth
• Better posture and muscle density
• Sure of myself and lot in life
• Immersed in affection
• Desirable to myself
• Breaking the cycle of preventable diseases/ailments; loving myself and loving my body and help others to do so
• Embracing all life/people have to offer
• At peace with life’s adversity
• Brave in all my pursuits
• Control my own fate/destiny
• Always evolving
• Being who my Spirit tells me I am

That’s saying too much, right? Thankfully I’m closer to the “Fit” mark on a lot of these by my own admission- then when I made this chart- but I can say that at any given time I may sway between the two. Which mean I must stay humble, hopeful and must not quit.

Next Installment: When in Rome…

#selflove #love #positivevibes #mindset #lifestyle #peace #life #success #fitfam #change #strength #growth #fit #fitnessmotivation #workout #goals #entrepreneur #health #transformation #community #inspiration #fitness #motivation

21-day Make-n-Break Challenge

Birthday Wishes to Be Granted to Me with Finishing this Challenge!!!!!

The 21-day Make-n-Break is laid out to challenge myself to make solid decisions that may be tough, uncomfortable or out of the norm, but is meant to train my mind to endure for my own well-being. The list is reasonable but not in offering a typical or routine day. But that’s what the Make-n-Break is all about. Shifting thought to accelerate ones thinking about how we move and make decisions throughout the day. Now let’s see what I’ll be doing… I haven’t picked out a date but you’ll know when I start.

3-Day Liquid/Smoothie Cleanse each week
Intermittent fasting 12pm-6pm (1500-1700 calorie daily (mostly green)
One week of Chef Ricardo recipes (links will be provided that week of what I’m doing)
Eat off garden crops
Physical activity and/or exercise daily, according to plan
Create spoken word motivation to say in the morning and before bed
15-min stretch, meditate/prayer with water or tea upon wake and before sleep
Breathe positivity into each day through positive thoughts and actions
Use prayer, meditation, mindfulness and breathing exercises throughout the day
Listen to good, positive, soothing music and messages, ex. Jazz, classical, oldies
Halt negative emotions, criticism and being opinionated
Practice self-discipline and self-control with every decision
Don’t consume negative energy or depression- flex muscle groups with every onset
Break one bad habit, daily and replace with a good one
Stop complaining and making excuses
Get 7-8 hours of sleep daily- NO EXCUSES
DO NOT HIT SNOOZE BUTTON-GET UP
Stay on schedule daily
Be consistent and deliberate each day
Plan ahead when necessary, ex. Meals, clothing, appointment, etc
Send I love you’s and inspirational messages to family- daily
Show give and be love
Spend adequate time with those I love
Help mom and dad when asked or needed
Volunteer time to someone in need

Understanding there are reactionary default programming in our brain when we come in contact with certain things that release those defaults, I know we can literally lose ourselves in a moment- and the days to follow- which can make us feel a little bit (or a lot) like a failure! When we can’t bounce back 100%- even as of now…. Therefore we must forgive ourselves. Realizing that our minds can play a trick on us, lets us know we are vulnerable to these certain “states of being” in terms of space and time AND must be aware and grounded so that we are in our right minds with every decision. That is how hard changing and transforming is- and why a lot of people don’t try or want to do it.

Quote of the Day: “Free your mound and your mind will follow”- Ras Ben

Transformation

Here We Go….

But before I get into the grit. Let me give you a little background…

I must truly begin because my life depends on it. Life being myself, children, the world! I’ve started this blog to hold myself to the level of intent and accountability that is necessary to continue the path of being in the best health and best shape of my life. Especially since I’ve been fat all my life (let others say it). However in my “first 5” years I was fed homegrown fruits and vegetables. Fresh caught fish. Food from farmer’s market. But something happened at the tender age of 6 and I began to use food as a crutch as I was able to explore more options. Between disaster and trauma in my little world, all things I learned is not truly “food” became a bestie, confidant, lover (in adulthood) and the thing that got me through the stress of life.

I’m not going to say how bad it got… but think hangover (not alcohol induced, tho). Seeing this now I realize I underwent just as much trauma in eating what/how/when I did. But now that I’ve done so much work to get to the root of such behavior, I can say I’m ready to take care of the inner child inside and rebirth and grow myself up again with a new light and understanding of how to live and love myself.

So much to be thankful for… no diabetes, heart disease, cancer, stroke, lost limbs, etc. So far arthritis and a bad back… Something I can live with if I take care of my body, strengthen it and feed it “life.” This is what this Natural Health and Weight Loss is all about. Giving life to myself through natural-living-food, meditation and activity that guarantees that I can do and be all I can. For real, I’m not going to lie and say I won’t indulge in my faves sometimes- at some point (cinnamon rolls, cheesecake, lasagna (veggie I promise). But I’m making a commitment to use my knowledge, skill and wit to take live foods that are better and taste good and create masterpieces with them like I didn’t miss a thang!

The picture below is a year or so old and I’m about the same. I haven’t taken any photos because I rather see myself the way I feel. And it’s time to change that NOW… cuz I feel good! I’m loving myself and it’s time to transform.

Check back this weekend for the goods of what and how I’m heading into a healthier lifestyle and happier self!

Love you Heart, Mind and Spirit,

April

In the Beginning-

Hey y’all… I’m going through something profound right now…..

It's Time.... Let's Go! — **It’s Time…. Let’s Go!**

My life is taking a turn in a bombastic way… My height and measure against the weight of time. I go long and eventually reach the mountain peak. It’s not easy being fatigued all the time wondering when your breakthrough is going to happen… but if you’re Intune, the universe speaks to you with VOLUME- not sound. It’s up to the connected entity of the earth, itself, we must know. But when she turns up its time for us to turn out. Telling myself it doesn’t matter what anyone says you’re “supposed” to do… you do it in your own time when you can be one with the universe and aligned with your self.

But there’s a price… and this is what I’m doing now: paying the price… having discipline, character and self-respect… To live my life’s purpose… and that is to get myself, children and others back to the root of our existence. In the best way I can- with my own style and flava. So that means this transformation that’s underway calls for a special strength, majic and power: Love in spite of itself.) In the pain, angst, and fear… we do it anyway cuz the light of love will always penetrate the darkness of time. Follow it and be ye transformed.

Love you heart mind and spirit!

A. Love